I've written several times about how Daddy loves me the way I am, and how proud he is of me when I speak my mind; that's because he's seen how far I've come from the quiet shy girl he met, to the confident woman I am today, and he truly IS proud.
Daddy has NO problem with me speaking (writing) the way I want, cursing or not. He has no problem with what I smoke, in fact, he encourages it and smokes with me.
Daddy also knows that I'm not particularly responsible, I have my own medication that I have to take 3 times a day and I have alarms set on my phone for EVERY DAY, EVERY PILL TIME because I get busy and forget.
Clearly Daddy doesn't have a problem with my parenting style, he's the one that chose to have 4 children with me (yes, we're only raising 2, we've been unfortunate and lost 2), and Sissy certainly has no problem with the way things run in this house, or she wouldn't have agreed to move in, or to help out like she does.
She is happiest making others happy, and her helping out makes Daddy & I happy.
There were also several demeaning type comments, and Dillhole didn't particularly like it when I defended myself against them. One particular comment was for me to "C'mon can't you take it [Dillhole's cock] like a champ" this was during a conversation between us in front of Daddy and Sissy, and my reply to that was "If you could give it like a champ, I could take it like one". This comment earned me the punishment of having affection withdrawn from me for the rest of the day, when I thought we were just playing around having fun. Being ignored is one of the fastest ways to hurt me and have me withdraw from you.
I was also informed by Dillhole that as a submissive I should not ask for, or tell anyone what it is I need or desire. If I did do this with Dillhole (requesting a cuddle, or more subtly placing my head on their leg as a way of being close) I was told that I was too dominating and that I needed to learn to share.
Sharing has NEVER been an issue for me, I *choose* to share Daddy EVERY DAY with Sissy, and we've managed to come to an arrangement that works for everyone involved, we just needed a little more time to find the groove with Dillhole involved, and he did not have the patience to wait for us to work it out between the two of us (Sissy & I).
There was also a comment about how Daddy & I are not really kinky, just swingers. This apparently is because we're both very sexually comfortable and straight-forward. We both go after what we want, whether that's together or with someone else but it's ALWAYS with permission, and we have very few jealousy issues between us (because of awesome communication!) as long as there isn't another party (Dillhole in this case) planting seeds of jealousy on purpose.
I don't know how exactly one gains 14 years of experience in the BDSM lifestyle without actually being kinky..but that's how many years I've been learning. Daddy has been learning for 7 years, and I've shared with him my previous 7 years experience as well. Dillhole has just over 1 year in the public lifestyle, and I have no idea how many years exploring beforehand, because every time that topic came up, the subject was conveniently changed.
I've learned as well, that if someone can tell you exactly how many play partners they've had, and it's a running number and it's double digits..ASK QUESTIONS.
I know people that play with lots of people, but it's the same reoccurring play partners, not a new person EVERY time they play.
How is there proper trust and communication built between two people when they only play together once or twice?
So, despite these **RED FLAGS**, I asked Daddy for permission for Dillhole and I to play (flogging, spanking, paddling) and he granted it. Now, I have in the past described myself as a masochist, however I've had some major life changing events happen since then, and I now deal with a chronic pain issue and am finding that I need to be built back up to a masochist level.
Dillhole chose to ignore the second part of this (building back up thingy) and chose to only hear the masochist part. This person happens to identify as a sadist, which is fine, but **PAY ATTENTION** to your bottom.
When she's pulling away, whimpering, and calling yellow then there NEEDS to be discussion. My yellow was taken as a sign to stop doing that activity and Dillhole just moved on to something else which did not actually solve the problem which resulted in me calling red and Daddy having to intervene and do aftercare with me.
Aftercare is also something that Dillhole doesn't particularly agree with. They don't feel that it's needed, they don't provide it, and if you need that it's something you need to find for yourself, except I was not told this before the first time we played together. I being naive and believing Dillhole had been honest and upfront with me never thought to ask about aftercare because as a Domme, I always gave it; and any time I've bottomed I've always received it - without needing to ask. I do feel this is something that someone should know before entering into a scene with someone.
I personally am someone that gets VERY spacey when I play and need *LOTS* of aftercare including water, cuddles, something warm wrapped around me, and just time. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I shiver, sometimes I just stare off into space for a bit, I need someone to watch me and protect me while I'm in that state of mind, and to me as a submissive that was Dillhole's job.
Every time we played however, the aftercare was always left for Daddy, with no consideration from Dillhole that they would be leaving and Daddy would have two crashing girls on his hands if Sissy was also played at the same time (which she typically was).
These habits of Dillhole's might not bother some people, I know that there would be plenty of other people out there that Dillhole would be compatible with, they just didn't work here, and that's fine.
However, what's not fine is making people feel like the reason you're incompatible is because they're a bad person. It's fine to say that the expectations for the relationship don't match, or personalities don't mesh, but don't shame someone about being themselves just because you don't agree with their life choices.
I guess what I'm really trying to say here is don't change yourself for a Dillhole. Stay true to you, and you will find people that love you for who you are. I already have two amazing partners in my life that love me for who I am, and if that all went to hell for some reason, I still have two awesome little girls that think I'm the world.
I'm comfortable being me, if YOU don't like that, it's YOUR problem, not mine!
~*~ Kat ~*~
Below are a few resources I found that can help you if you are faced with one of these situations.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (Canada) [WEBSITE] Phone:1-800-799-7233 TTY:1-800-787-3224
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - Website
YWCA Canada - Website
xoxo